Total eclipse of the heart

Found this by googling "Total eclipse of the heart"

“Total eclipse of the heart” is a song by Tyler, but I am listening to the Glee Club version. My cousin sent me the song file two days ago, while sending some other files through Bluetooth to my laptop. After she was gone, I started to play the various tracks she has given me and played this song after trying two to three songs and from then on have been listening to it seamlessly.

Why am I talking about it now? As one of my co-workers asked me about my facebook status, the song started to play inside my head and it’s still playing. I can hear the singer singing very clearly (inside my head of course). Lol, some days ago I was wondering whether I was going mad or got some kind of mental illness/disorder/syndrome etc. well, it is better to treat the problem before it gets out of hand and I go completely nuts. So, I did some research and found not much threatening news. I have got mild to moderate depression. Well, the site advised me to talk to a doctor or a therapist, but of course the sites would say so, or else it would irresponsible for them. I got to know what I needed to know, not a serious illness, I found my focal problem issue and thus I am prepared to deal with it. I don’t think my depression is so severe to see a doctor, but I certainly do have a problem and I don’t do anything I might need a doctor for cure. It’s like residing in the grey area from where you can go to the black or the white portion.

Reading my own writing above, just realized it doesn’t at all look written by some one in distress rather it looks like some Hypochondriac full on about his/her mental health.

Enough of the whining, let’s move on to some constructive thoughts.

I need to make a to-do list now or anytime before six, as I can’t do anything on the list before 6 pm. But even after 6, all I can do is finish some phone calls on the way back home as I won’t be doing anything in the car. After reaching home, rest depends on the energy I may have or may not have. As I have woken up at 8 in the morning with only 2 hours sleep in the very morning (night was over before I got to sleep), I can’t make any estimates right now. Although I know what exactly happen, it is divided in two parts. Both the options have 50% chances and are mutually exclusive. If I go home and feel sleepy, then for some unknown, unwanted, unanticipated reason I have to stay awake. On the other hand, if I go for sleeping then I will lie awake in the bed as long as it becomes unbearable to lie down like that and after hours I will sit up from the bed with a heavy feeling, throbbing head.

Procastination...Depression and Disorders!! ;-)

I didn’t know that procrastination is related to depression and they are certain types of procrastinating people. I can find one or more friends in each category!! Well, we are the Procastinators!!



Source: world wide web


So now, how depression and procrastination are related?? It’s been said (in about.com, they say their articles are medical reviewed) that depression puts us through some physical and medical conditions/symptoms and we adopt procrastination as way to deal with this conditions. Hmmphh!! Well-said!! But, I thought (prior to reading the article) procrastination is a habit in some people. There is a category “habitual” procrastinator, which explains just the thing I thought. But is the habitual procrastinator also a victim(!) of depression?

Source: Blurburger

Let’s see, I am not done with the article yet.

The four types of procrastination styles can also overlap in an individual. The categories as explained in the article from about.com:
“Self-Doubt - These people feel there are rigid standards about how thing ought to be done and they fear they will fail. They second-guess themselves and delay taking action.



 Discomfort Dodging - This person avoids activities that will cause them distress, discomfort or anxiety. Rather ironically, the act of dodging the activity doesn't make it go away so tensions mount because of this avoidance.
Guilt-Driven - The person feels guilt over tasks undone, but rather than correct the original lack of action continues to procrastinate in order to not face up to the guilt feelings.
Habitual - The person has procrastinated so many times, it becomes an ingrained response. The person no longer thinks about why they do it, they feel it's just a part of themselves. It becomes an automatic response to say, "This is too hard", "I'm too tired", or to laugh it off as a character flaw.”

There are many remedies, well, the procrastinators are also aware of it. But I don’t think they are interested in the solutions. Even if they are, they will procrastinate in doing the simple task of just clicking on a web link. But I just want to relay just one advice: that is “KISS”, which means Keep It Simple, Stupid!

Sorry I won’t be quoting any more from the article, if you want to read it, go find it yourself!! I know, you won’t, ‘cause if you are reading this, then you must be in my circle of people and then must be a procrastinator too. So chances are you won’t be reading the article in the “near or far” future.

Source: Richard Wilkinson

Talking about depression, depression is not just being sad. It’s way more than that and can affect physically. So, I was studying depression in the web. Depression can be also divided into many types like: Major depression- lack of interest in everything, Atypical depression- outside world events control their moods, Psychotic depression- people start to see and hear imaginary stuffs (negative), Dysthimia-they are depressed all life long and need medication, and Manic depression- which includes mood shifts of depression to mania and have extremely high rate of suicide.


The other day I was studying about personality disorders, and other disorders. There are: PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (pheww..i remember the name), Anxiety disorder, Bi-polar disorder, Borderline disorder, Manic episodes and many more. “Reading the list”-alone could be really frustrating, they all sound same and you would have a hard time differing one from the other. Well, at least I did.
Bi-polar and Borderline are personality disorders, but their symptoms overlap with each other and also with depression, thus making it difficult to diagnose and treat the patient.

I guess now i should stop writing about depressions and stuff, it's really depressing.. ;-)

One big, whole day at office!!

After two days I am back to office, back to my work, most amazingly back to writing. I am here to write for the third day. Wow, I guess as long as I am working here, out of sheer boredom, I will write something for the least to take my mind off things like credit, loan, import, export and taxes. No wonder people get so cranky after office hours. It's like a well-furnished jail with ACs. I wonder what will happen if they implement corporate rules in the jails, like wearing sickeningly formal clothes and sitting all day on a chair with a screen next to your nose. I haven't been to office for the last two days for cold. I caught cold in the office, from the cool breeze flowing out of the AC. I used to feel like I was sitting inside a very large refrigerator. I used to wrap my head with a fine shawl to avoid headache, but all these precautions couldn't save me, I fell ill. After getting back to office, I found some changes. The windows fitted in the ceiling were opened and blocked with paper to prevent the cold. Why on earth they didn't raise the temperature, one can only wonder. Besides me, four other persons have been affected by the cold, and lastly when one of the heads of the department fell ill, the remedy came. Now, gladly I can feel my hands and feet again. It's sad that he had to leave office today for extreme headache.

Been working for some times now, thought to take a break. I am working on a red file now. It's half done. Went to have a walk and chatted with the apus and vaias, answered their queries about facebook privacy settings, yahoo and live messenger settings. Next day I got to demonstrate the settings with a laptop.

Had lunch with them, pulling chairs out of the cubicles, in the middle of the walking space. Just got to know, we weren't supposed to eat here, in the working space. There is a separate eating space excluding the canteen in the upper floor.

It's 3-39 and I feel so sleepy and I can't remember whether I took my medicine or not. I even forgot to grab my lunch in the morning, after stepping out of the house I remembered my lunch-bag. Oh, why I can't remember the damn cold pills! I have a vague memory of swallowing the pills, but it could be today or could be yesterday. I mean, I walk around and get ready in the morning, while I am half asleep.

I think the file is done. Now, what? There are people from other departments, it won’t look good walking around, and people are working. You can’t trouble them just because you couldn’t keep your eyes open for 5 seconds consecutively.

Cinderella must have really dreaded the clock’s ticking away time and with each tick midnight was coming nearer. She must have so very wanted time going slower and spending as much time possible with her prince charming. I, myself, on the other hand, will welcome time flying by the next two hours. I want the clock to flash (as in digital, it does not tick) six as earnestly Cinderella didn’t want the clock to tick twelve.

It's nearly six, I just have to pass half an hour more. The key should be concentrating on something really, really well, so that you don't remember that your were waiting for something for the whole day.

Huiii.. I am about to leave!!!

Seriously bored to death!!

This is really great. I can barely keep my eyes open and here I am sitting in the office, listening to the whatever people are talking about including some keywords like authorized, callback, signatory etc. Wish I had a bed to lie down. God, when are these people going to leave? Why do they have to talk so much?

Thank god, they are gone. Now I am seriously considering going home. What should I do? Talk to someone and ask whether it would be way too early to leave. But what good I will do when I am actually doing nothing productive. There should be a nap room in the office, with a soft white bed and fluffy pillows and a soft red blanket. Well, I feel such an urge to go to sleep. It’s like I haven’t slept for days. That’s not true as I did sleep for a modest 6 hours at least. All this whining is making me sick. Yes, yes, I know its me who is whining but I don’t like whining even if its coming from me.

Source: world wide web

So what should I do now or the next few hours? Let’s make a rough list. First, I will be in the god damned office for the next few hours. I have to endure and survive. I could go a bit early or I could leave saying I feel sick. But I have to leave early in the next week for almost 2-3 days. So it would be wiser not to leave too early. Oh god, now more people are back. They are talking about some call back stuffs. And the lady has a way too shrill voice that just hurts my ears. I feel like a hammer coming down to hit my head, every time I see her mouth opening to speak. She’s a middle aged lady with kind face and average height and weight. She has light brown soft curly hair. Her hair gives her a soft look and she is fine actually, as long as there’s a smile on her face and she doesn’t start speaking.

Oh, it’s lunch time and I have survived so far. The chances of surviving till the afternoon seems doable, now that half the day has passed. Let's see!!

Oh... i am starting my blog today... and yes there is a big big chance that i will probably discontinue writing after some times. It’s kinda funny that every time I have some outlet using which I can express my thoughts... ka-boom... n the constant explosion of thoughts are gone... can't even think right now, what i have been thinking all the time.. The voices inside my head... n each of them sounds just like me... but always opposes each other... lol... now i sound like a mad person...


Source: world wide web

So what am I going to write about!! Well... i don't know... probably garbled words... that after some time i, I won't comprehend....: D: D

Anyway... to any people reading or will be reading this blog...

This isn't a very sophisticated or organized or creative writing... so I am sorry if you get disappointed by reading it... this blog hasn't been started/written to delight the readers!!